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Imagine a world without fruitcake… It is possible, and you can help make it happen. Please sign our petition
and have your name posted on our site.
To: The International Food and Drug Administration
Dear protectors of our health and wellbeing,
We will not sit idly by while people all around the world are forced to live in fear of fruitcake every holiday season.
This dreadful dessert is responsible for countless atrocities:
- Over 2,000,000 holiday gatherings are ruined each year
- Last year, 9,500,000 children cried after finding fruitcake in their stockings
- 14,000 gallons of rum are wasted to make fruitcake annually
- Landfill sites are overflowing with uneaten fruitcake
- 31% of healthcare costs can be linked to fruitcake or fruitcake-related injuries
- Choking on discarded fruitcake is now the number one cause of death for seagulls
- Millions of people who lost their appetites after tasting fruitcake are now starving
Our planet is in grave danger, and we must act now. Please rid the world of fruitcake before it’s too late.
Sincerely,
The Undersigned
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